I Will Try To Remember These Things When You Steal My Nachos

I, Michelle, take you, Bobby, to be my lawfully wedded husband. And, I swear, with God as my witness, that I will never abbreviate that title to “hubster” or “hubs,” unless doing so ironically, in a faux cockney accent. Furthermore, I will never call you sickening pet names like Shnookums or My Baby Boo, especially in public settings; this is my solemn vow.
I promise to notice and appreciate the little things you do to make my life easier like opening car doors, mixing the best Pumpkin Coffees, emptying the dishwasher, and cleaning the litter box even after I’ve said I would do it for 5 days straight but haven’t.


I fervently pledge to make humor and friendship a key element in our home. I promise to laugh off more things and take myself less seriously. I vow to give my best effort to caring about the news, even the “talking head” news shows because you love them so. I agree to watch Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man without rolling my eyes. I promise to stop sighing heavily and mumbling in a passive aggressive manner when you “borrow” the kitchen scissors and never put them back. I promise to stop dulling your razors and then secretly returning them to the basket for your use. I will remember that even when we don’t agree, we’re on the same side. I will strive to remember that it’s ok if the pantry isn’t perfect, and my way of folding the towels isn’t necessarily the best way, although it IS the prettiest way. I think we can agree on this point.


I promise to remember how important physicality, chemistry, and passion are in a happy marriage. I will do my part to ensure we remain as excited, enamored, and adoring of one another as we were when we were first falling in love. I promise to listen when you talk and truly hear what you’re saying. I promise to tell you as often as I can how clever, funny, handsome, kind, sweet, sexy, talented, and intelligent you are. I promise to remember and celebrate all the tiny nuances of your personality that make you so unique and wonderful.
I vow to never walk away from a disagreement with you without returning to make it right. I will love your children as my own. I will listen to your dreams, hopes, and goals and meld them with mine so our separate lives become one. I will encourage you when you are feeling overwhelmed. I will make you smile and laugh when you’ve had a rough day and want nothing more than a familiar, loving face. 


I will make you Frito chili pie and perfectly crisp chicken fried steak when you need a cheat day in the worst kind of way. I will eat steamed vegetables with our spaghetti because that’s the way you like it. I will be open to new ideas and adventures, as long as you are by my side. I will spend all of my days making our life as fabulous, fun, and fulfilling as I possibly can. I promise to uplift you to our children; I will tell them often what a great dad they have and remind them of your love for them. I will be your biggest fan, championing your accomplishments.


I will thank God every day that He blessed me with you. I will remember, even when we’re not at our best, that you are my Prince Charming, my true love, my soul mate, my partner, and my best friend. I promise to look at you every day and remember that I got the very best one.


I vow to love you with all of me, heart and soul. I promise to give my all to us and our marriage. I promise to do my part to make our life together flourish, to make our marriage the best decision we ever made.


This is my solemn vow.